It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas... With No Snow.

Hello there.

So I have successfully completed my first semester of graduate school and boy, has it been exhausting.  Sparing you the unnecessary details, let's just say that I'm glad it's over.. at least until the middle of January.  Christmas is coming up in a week, my favorite time of year!  I am so happy that we have the opportunity to go back home and see all of our family for the holidays, barring the end of the world on Friday ;P

Just as a side note about he whole Myan Calendar thing; just because the calendar ends, doesn't mean the world is going to.  I mean, what if the person doing it got tired of writing it, or died, or their civilization ended before they could complete more.  Plus, we've actually  passed the date that their calendar ended because there was no daylight savings time then.  So, all of you who are worried about it, please just stop.  We'll be here on the 22nd!

I also just have to take the time to say that, as a budding Forensic Psychologist, the tragedy of Newton, CT is beyond imaginable, and I pray for all of those affected and hope that this serves as a reminder of the need of the re-institutionalization of mental hospitals.  I know that before they were horrible because there were not laws in place to keep them from becoming places for the forgotten in society and a place for experimentation on poor, innocent people.  Having said that, we need mental hospitals again!  People like these school shooters need help that isn't available in the way it used to be.  I pray that this happens.

Okay, so I've ranted twice.

Back to my life!

I am still working part time, but probably won't be in about a week because I was hired as seasonal help.  This is perfectly fine with me.  I need some motivation to get back out there and look for a real job!  Wish me luck, and I hope everyone has a happy holiday season and see you in 2013!

Wow, I'm A Loser

So, it has been FAR too long since I've added a post!!  I failed to add the adventures of an entire year (my Senior year at that) of college, having to go through the deaths of two family members within 6 months of each other, and my wonderful, unsuccessful job hunt since graduating from college.

So, sorry!!

We'll just start from now and add in details from the missing time if necessary.

Today is a rainy, fall day, effectively making my entire body sore thanks to the now rampant arthritis I have from the injuries I suffered during my car accident over 3 years ago.  I have been back living with my mom since the end of August and since coming here, it has been a real struggle financially.  She works hard every day and it's hard to see her come home unfulfilled because she knows that she's only working to make money that isn't ever enough to pay for the overdue bills waiting at home. 

Having pretty much exhausted all nearby possibilities for a "grown-up" job, I finally had to give in and start looking for something, ANYTHING, that would help relieve the burden against my mom.  So, I've finally secured a part time job and just got a massive refund check from my surplus of financial aid for GRAD SCHOOL!  Hopefully things will start to look up soon.

So, yeah.  GRAD SCHOOL.

I feel like Grad school is just... too much trouble.  It seems to me (and I've only been in grad school for 5-6 weeks) like we are re-learning everything we just got a degree for and the professors seem to treat us like imbeciles.  We literally spent 1 1/2 class periods (which are roughly 3 hours a piece) in my one class discussing how to write a research paper.  Note: I had to complete 3 of these types of research papers that we were discussing for my bachelors.  This is the moment when I just want to stand up and scream like Jacobim Mugatu in Zoolander and say, "I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!!"

But, anyhoo, that's all I have to complain about for now.  I will try to post more than a year+ apart!

The Holier Than Thou Appetite

I am so incredible pissed right now at what just happened. Previously, I've heard my roommate M talk about how she likes stroganoff, so when I came out into the kitchen just now, I brought one of those Hamburger Helper Complete Meals out with me, which happened to be stroganoff. I jokingly said, "Be jealous, I have stroganoff" and her response was to give me a grimace and laugh at me for even thinking that she could be jealous of a "boxed meal". Apparently, she and her mom have a running joke about going to the store and laughing about the possibility of having something like Hamburger Helper for dinner. She then proceeds to tell me that I'll get botchalism from the canned sauce (which has meat in it) because "meat is not supposed to be in a can. It's just not natural!"

As a side note, I should mention that she's very finicky about the meat she eats and will only eat meat that is butchered by her dad because he cuts it the way she likes it and takes out all the things she doesn't like. Last week she made three chicken breasts and only ate a third of one because it had a vein in it. She threw the rest out.

So anyway, after she basically ridiculed me for eating this "boxed meal", she took all of her stuff and locked herself away in her room.

Here's my problem: I was taught to eat what was in front of me and to be thankful to even have food and not to complain if it wasn't the best or most expensive thing out there. If it fills up your stomach, be GRATEFUL to have it. Not everyone has parents who can afford to give them 50 lbs. of specially butchered meat every time they go home, and I really didn't appreciate the notion that I did but had decided to eat something so "disgusting" in her eyes. I'm sorry if MY food isn't good enough for your "holier than thou appetite", but some people have to work hard for the money they get (this being my Mom) and they have to stretch every penny to make things work. I'm a college student who depends on my Mom for my soul income when she can barely make ends meet with just her. I have to make do with what I'm given, and if that's not good enough, then FUCK YOU!

Brains a la Mode... And Other Exciting Adventures From My Weekend Trip Home!

I went back home to the rural Toledo area this weekend and it has been a doozy! My classes on Friday were cancelled, and with a desperate plea from one of my besties to come and help clean her house before moving, I made the exciting 1 hour and 45 minute drive to Archbold. The drive was fine and dandy until I got to the point where the turnpike changes from six lanes to four. Normally this is okay, except this time coming some stupid-ass truck driver decided that he was going to go into the fast lane and block all traffic while he slowly passed about 4-5 other semi's. While everyone was going about 60mph because of this truck driver, it was also snowing like crazy, and everyones tires were kicking up the disgusting slush/snow/mud mixture that was on the road, making it nearly impossible for me to see, even with wiper fluid constantly running. Anyway, when I finally got off the turnpike, I agreed to meet my friend Anna at Walmart to do a little grocery shopping for our dinner that night (recipe courtesy of Buddy Valastro, a.k.a. The Cake Boss). The dinner was amazing, but way too time consuming as it took us nearly 3 hours to finish! We capped off the night with DVRed episodes of American Idol. I haven't been watching this season, but with the two episodes we did watch, I have decided that Steven Tyler is hilarious!!! (Ex. "Well hellfire, save matches, f*ck a duck, and see what hatches!")

My second day back home was just as exciting as the one before. There had been plans to go to my friend Brittany's house to clean and organize things to prepare for her move to her new apartment. After she, my other friend Carrie and I spent about two hours at the new apartment marveling at the space and planning on the future set-up of it, and then spending another hour and a half to two hours at Mancino's having lunch, it was time to leave. Needless to say, we didn't clean. Then it was back to Anna's house with Carrie. We went to see "The King's Speech" which was absolutely amazing! It had basically half the cast of Harry Potter in it (Bellatrix, Wormtail, and Dumbledore) plus Barbossa from Pirates of the Caribbean! I was thinking during this whole thing "All these people are connected to some of my favorite movies! This has to be good!" And it was! Surprisingly, the funniest and best line of the movie came when the King (played by Collin Firth [hottie alert!]) was in a session with his speech therapist. His therapist noticed that the King didn't stutter when he was mad about something and cursed. So, a series of weak cursings happened, and being thoroughly disappointed, the therapist says, "You can do better than that!" The best line of the movie happened next. "FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCKIDY, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK FUCK...TITS!!!!" Everyone lost it, and now it has become one of the many movie quotes of my life, though we mostly say "FFFFFFFFFFF...T!" instead of the unnecessary screaming of the "f" word. We mused about this and other things back at Anna's until nearly three in the morning!

Saturday got off to a slow start, but BOY did it end with a bang! Not having had enough time with each other, the three bestie Musketeers (meaning Brittany, Carrie and I) decided to have dinner at a local Mexican restaurant. The food, company, and conversation was amazing, and my margaretta had a little too much tequilla in it! Luckily it wore off about an hour later. Carrie and I parted ways from our other bestie and made our way (quickly I might add) to DQ for a half off ice cream cake! Oh, how that cake would determine our fate later that night! We giddily made our way over to Carrie's mom's to pick up her cats that had been staying there for a couple of days and to drop off a piece of the ice cream cake as payment for the trouble of having the cats in Carrie's mom's house. We stayed there for about 20 minutes before leaving... with the ice cream cake on the floor of the back seat of the car. Being the middle of winter, obviously we had the heat on in the car, and also being girls with imperfect circulation in our legs, the heat was on the floor. Carrie was worried that the ice cream cake would melt if it was on the floor instead of being on the actual seat. We both decided that it was a good idea to stop and move the ice cream cake. Also, being in the middle of the country and being about 9:30 at night, there was really no one anywhere on the roads. I told Carrie to just stop on the road with her hazards on to move the cake. Apparently, she decided it would be better to pull off the side of the road into a "driveway" and move the cake. Only we didn't stop in a driveway. We stopped in a half ditch with about 7 inches of snow which was also in front of a mini-graveyard. Needless to say... we were stuck. The fact that we had gotten stuck on the side of the road out of sheer lack of common sense and the need to make sure that our precious ice cream cake didn't melt, and the fact that we were a company of two 20-somethings and two cats in front of a graveyard caused a breakout of laughter for about 10 minutes before we got our bearings. Every time we called to tell someone about our plight, a new wave of laughter broke out. We waited about 30 minutes for a tow truck to come and get us out, hoping against hope that the zombies from the graveyard would not feel the need to come eat our brains, with a topping of ice cream cake!! (Hence, Brains a la mode!) Having the hazards on also caused the battery to drain, and a broken cable for popping the hood caused another 15 minute delay. We finally got out of the snow and made our way back to Napoleon. We rented "Eat. Pray. Love." and regrettably decided on the Director's Cut. It was a good movie apart from Julia Roberts being called "Groceries" by this annoying middle-aged man she met in India, but it was about 2:30 in the morning before the movie was over and we both lovingly welcomed the softness of our beds.

Besides the fact that I was waken up by a crazy cat running around the room and across the top of me at 6 a.m., it was an enjoyable night. Now I'm sitting here enjoying the last day I have at home with my beloved bestie, Carrie, awaiting the scrumptiousness of her "famous goulash" and dreading the drive back to school and having to wake up at 6 in the morning for my four back-to-back classes tomorrow. Oh well, c'est la vie!!

A Long-Awaited Update

Hello all in the blogging world!

It has been so incredibly long since my last blog, and I am sorry for that. So much has happened in my life since I last talked to you. School is still going, and I am in my second full semester at TU. I'm finally in classes that have to do with my major and my required nonsense classes are OVER, thank the Lord. I ended up doing really well last semester, finishing with a 3.40 GPA which I am pretty darn proud of. Hopefully I can pull another good semester and finish my first year here strong. And if you were wondering about the roommate front, I, thankfully, moved out of the apartment I was in last semester and got rid of those crazy people!! (After having ANOTHER $20 stolen from me, got yelled at and made to have a meeting about cleaning a sink, and being harassed endlessly with my roommates incessant need to leave on lights.) Now, I'm in the apartment next door with the RA and three other girls. It's five of us now, but I love them!! We've had two dinners all together and a few nights we've stayed out in the living room talking about ourselves and laughing hysterically! It was definitely a good choice to move!

As for my personal life, it's been rocky to say the least. I last talked to you in October. Four holidays have since passed, and all have had their share of controversy.

First, Halloween. I was a little upset about this Halloween because I didn't even get to celebrate it. Unfortunately (as much as I love Choir) we had a concert the day before Halloween, going late into the night. This prevented me from going home and having the normal mother-daughter freak-out over Halloween. My mom and I have always loved the holiday, and last year we even pulled out our Snuggies and sat on the front porch with them on accompanied by some scary looking skull masks. We called ourselves "The Snuggie Cult". Some people may say that we are totally ridiculous, but I say that it was hilarious. Especially with these new Snuggie commercials they have now where they sing a jingle to the tune of the "Macarena". If that's not some crazy kind of cult, I don't know what is! But unfortunately I had to miss out on all the fun and spent the whole day locked up in my room at school.

Next comes Thanksgiving. It was relatively good on the actual day and we had our normal dinner at my Grandma's. I made the unfortunate mistake of going back to my dad's house after our normal family get together and after pulling an all-nighter for the Black Friday shopping. I was really excited to go to my dad's because we were having deep-fried turkey and I missed my dogs terribly! By the next day after I arrived, I was already packed and leaving for my Grandma's again. Apparently, I am not supposed to be allergic to cigarette smoke and am not supposed to offer anyone help for anything because it's selfish... Don't even get me started. Basically, a whole ginormous fight ensued between my dad, his girlfriend/fiance, and me which resulted in blocked phone numbers on my end and threats of taking my car away from the other. Now, my dad and I have called a truce, so to speak, and are being generally civil to each other. As for my dad's girlfriend/fiance, if I never lay eyes on her again, it would make me the happiest person alive.

Now, between Thanksgiving and Christmas, something terrible happened. My Grandpa had a stroke. This happened the weekend right before finals and I found out on Facebook. (Which I'm totally not blaming my Aunt for, but it was still hard to find out that way). Luckily, he survived with hardly any problems with movement, though the stroke basically destroyed his linguistics system. He can barely talk now, and when he does try to say anything, he only gets a few words (if that) out before he gives up and waves his hand in a gesture as to say "nevermind". He spent about a month or so in a nursing home while having surgery on his corroted arteries (which were clogged and caused the stroke). Thankfully he's home now, and has been for the last couple weeks. He's still trying to get used to be so inable to do certain things, and his speech is coming along slowly with the help of speech therapy three times a week. I just thank God that he's still alive and with us.

At Christmas, it was hard. My Grandpa (dad's side) was in the nursing home when we had our family get-together, and when we prayed before we ate, I started crying and had to run to the bathroom right when we finished so no one would notice. It was so empty without him there, and even though we all got a lot of nice things, it just didn't feel right. That just proves everything about Christmas. It's not about the gifts, what you get, how much you get, but who you share it with and the love and caring you feel for everyone around you. Except for having my dad and his girlfriend/fiance there. I was so upset with them (and still am) about the fight that we had. They were the last people I wanted to see on Christmas. Regardless, I was so glad to go and visit my Grandpa in the nursing home, and even more glad to be able to take my brother with me. It was the first time that my brother had seen him since the stroke happened, and I hope he was grateful to see him. Then, after all that, the day after Christmas my mom and Grandma (mom's side) got in a fight. It was so ridiculous and trivial, and I tried as hard as possible not to get in the middle of it. It just put the icing on the cake of one of the worst Christmas' I've ever had.

New Year's was fun though. Pina Colada's with my mom and watching The Twilight Zone until two minutes before midnight where we switched over to watch the ball drop. I really hope that this new year turns out to be a hell of a lot better than 2010.

Why Is It Always Evolution?

I have been dealing with something from the very beginning of the semester that some people may agree with, and some people may not. I have a professor at school, we will call him Prof. E., who relates everything, and I mean EVERYTHING back to Evolution. He teaches it as fact, but the last time I checked, Evolution was a theory. Yet, it is perfectly okay for him to teach it as fact and I feel that by doing this he is insulting my religious beliefs. He even said himself the first day of class that he did not want to say anything bad about anyones beliefs or religion, yet, isn't teaching us that the processes of the brain and the way our brains grew correlates directly to how we evolved from lesser species talking bad about ANY religion?

Now let me just clarify that I am not saying that Darwin was completely nuts, and that the concept of evolving can be true to a certain extent within each species. Certain adaptations can be made, and environmental factors can make small changes within species, but I don't see how the entire complexity of the human body, and the world for that matter, could have happened just by pure accident and that we used to all be part of some primordial goop that randomly turned into bacteria which evolved into a fish and so on. If this were true, then wouldn't species that have been around for millions of years be gone because they evolved out of the state they are still in now? If fish evolved into frogs or whatever, then why do we still have fish? If monkeys were inferior to the human species and we supposedly evolved from them, then wouldn't it hold true that all monkeys would have followed suit and there wouldn't be any left? I mean, I'm sure some fancy Dr. somewhere can come up with something to diffuse or "answer" these questions, but I still won't believe or understand it. If it was such a good theory and it explained everything, then why would it say that the white race was the most superior biologically and basically fuel the fire behind such radical thinking as Hitler's idea of an Arian race, or the Ku Klux Klan's idea that everyone else besides White, European men are inferior and should be destroyed in some rotten genocidal warfare. I just don't see how something like that can be right.

Anyway, getting back to the subject at hand, I feel like every time Prof. E. mentions Evolution, I'm expected to jump on board, yipping and hollering in favor of the idea when I really don't believe in it completely. And I worry that if he asks a test question about it, I will either be forced to lie about my beliefs in order to placate him, or go against his idea about what is true and put down my own beliefs and pay the consequences for it in my grade. I think if teachers and professors aren't allowed to talk about religion, and schools and certain institutions are supposed to separate church and state, then they should also separate Evolution. Everyone is worried about offending the minority group of people, yet no one cares about the majority of people who have some type of religious belief and who are being offended by this but not speaking up because it's an accepted scientific idea. If we are going to talk about theories of where the world came from in Evolutionary terms, we should be allowed to include all different kinds of religions' ideas about it too. Maybe I'm the only who feels this way, and maybe everyone else doesn't see it as such a big deal as me. But I have a feeling that when Prof. E. asks the entire class a question and the "right" answer is Evolution, yet there is dead silence in the class because no one wants or thinks that to be the right answer, it gives me the idea that I am not alone in this.

My Books

Since posting that my true ambition in life is to become an author, and having said that I have written one and 3/4 books, people have been asking me to read them (or at least the good one). Well, I have let some close family and friends read it, but now I really want to keep the rest of it to myself until it's finished and published (at least to those who haven't read it yet). I just feel like if I keep giving it to whoever wants to read it, then I won't have anyone left who'll actually buy it in a store or anything so that they can read it instead of just own it. (If you can get any copies because I'm sure my mom will buy every copy available)!

Since I'm not going to give it out anymore, the least I can do is give you an excerpt and a little synopsis. My second book, which I'm working on now, is called Moving In Plain Sight. It would be under the classification as a horror book, just because it's a bit graphic when it comes to the descriptions. The book is about a detective who is trying to live up to his father's legacy he left behind, dying heroically for the police force. He was thrown into a serial murder case when he first got promoted to be a detective, and the case went cold. Now, five years later, the killings have started again and he must solve it with the help of his female partner in order to regain his place of glory in the department.

The story is set up in alternating chapters, one set of chapters being a first person narrative by the killer (which is very graphic and has strong language, but I felt that if I wrote it otherwise, it would not be true to the character), and the other chapters being a third person narrative from the detectives point of view which tells the bulk of the story.

In order to give you an idea of how this works, I've decided to give you five chapters. I know that seems like a lot after I said that I didn't want to just give it away, but I figure it will be enough to peek interest while letting you read how I write and getting a feel for the story. So without further adue, here are the Prologue and first 5 chapters of Moving In Plain Sight:


Prologue

Look at the beauty. Just look at it. Sometimes the sheer brilliance of my work stunned me. At moments like this, I marveled at myself. I could still feel dulled warmth from Its body. The impressions around Its neck from my palms created a disfigured butterfly. I often stared at this shape, finding the similarities between us. Nature had intended for it to be a beautiful, flawless creature, but time and experience had added ripples to its wings and created something ghastly out of something magnificent.
A repressed anger suddenly boiled up in me. A rising heat radiated off me as I refocused on my mission. I hated what this stupid bitch had done to the beautiful butterfly on Its neck. It did not deserve to have the shape. The mangled butterfly held Its perceived beauty too well. I felt something in my hand. The cool jagged pearl-bone handle of my instrument startled me for a moment. I gazed at the moonlight reflected in the blade. With one quick motion, I cut through the corrupted shape. They were no longer connected. Then my eye caught the moonlight glimmering off something else.
The ring. The wedding ring. That fucking ring. My fingers wrapped around that one cold digit. I heard the loud snap of the bone. My knife finished the job nicely. I let the blood drain from it onto the body before I put it in the box I had picked out for it. I calmly moved myself from being on top of the bitch. That body lying there was nothing to me now. My job was finished… at least for a while…


~1~

"Breaking news just in. It looks like the Ring Bearer has struck again. You may recall that this city was under much stress and fear only five years ago when Patricia McCarthy, Camilla James, and Bree Stevens were all murdered at the hands of what looked to be a serial killer. Sources say that police found the fourth victim, Lynn Jackson, late Tuesday morning in her home after her husband came back from a business trip. The police are not confirming or denying the reports that the Ring Bearer has come out of hiding to kill again, but inside sources say that there is no mistaking the striking similarities of the case between the first three victims and this one. If you have any information, please call the tip line number being shown at the bottom of the screen. In other news…" reported the television sitting in the corner of the police station.
"Boy they sure know how to spin it, even with the little information we accidentally give them." said Detective Christine Skye as she carefully sat on the corner of her partner's desk. "I mean, they will do anything to get their hands on the next juicy story. The more horrific, the better."
"Can we please not talk about this right now Chris? I'm mad enough as it is, what with every newspaper in town calling me about information, the Chief hounding me about another girl being dead because I didn't catch this bastard the first time, and, not to mention, I have to have dinner with my mom and Ray tonight." Detective William Maddox grimaced. He could handle many things, but his stepfather Ray Jeffries was one thing that almost broke him. On top of being one of the most obnoxious people Will had ever met in his life, Ray was always trying to be a replacement father. His mother, Pam, thought this was one of the many endearing qualities about her second husband, but Will found it down right disgusting. He had a father. At least at one time he did, and he did not need some pompous shmuck telling him how to live his life.
"Oh Will, I'm sorry. You know the Chief has pressure from everyone about this case too. He knows you did everything you could to catch this guy the last time, and knows you'll do the same now. And, well, I don't really have much to say about dinner except, I hope I don't hear about you being arrested for assault on an elderly man on the news next." she answered.
"Yeah, well I hope you're right Chris. And there are no guarantees about that assault thing. I swear, if I hear one more thing about someone forgetting to order new clubs or an overstock of tees, I'm kicking his ass. I still don't understand what my mom sees in that oaf." Will commented.
"Money."
"Oh is that it? I thought it was his charm and good looks."
"No, it's definitely the money. And the car." Chris winked.
"So is that what it takes to get the girls? Lots of money and a smokin' hot car?"
"Yep. The secret's out."
"Man, then I'm screwed." he said.
She chuckled, "Now you know why we're just friends."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The trip to his mother's home was not entirely painful in terms of traffic and driving distance, but Will still seemed to wince as each mile he drove passed by. It had been one month exactly since the last time he was kindly forced to dinner like this, but for Will that was too soon. It was not that he did not love his mother or hated spending time with her; it was the fact that Will absolutely despised his stepfather. Everything he stood for, everything he thought, everything he had made Pam change was enough reason to dislike Ray, but Will mostly hated him because Ray was not his father. He would have given anything to be going to dinner right now with his mother and father, but there was no chance of that happening.
The last time Will had had dinner with his parents was when he was 15. Had he known that later that night when his father got a call out to an armed robbery and it would be the last time he would ever see him, Will would have ended that dinner entirely different. Being a teenager, young, and selfish, Will had gotten into an argument over dinner that night about some trivial thing about school, and had said the worst words a child could say to a parent, "I hate you".
Since that night, Will had always felt incomplete about his father's death. Deep down Will knew that his father must have known that he really loved him and looked up to him as his guide and mentor, but that still did not stop Will from feeling guilty. This guilt had driven Will to follow in his father's footsteps as a police officer. His mother had told him countless times not to do it for fear of Will having the same fate as his father, but he had tunnel vision and was determined to become a person that his father would have been proud of.
At first, after being appointed to the force for Port Charles, RI and then promoted to detective after stumbling upon a hidden drug ring when he was still a patrolman, Will thought that he was on his way there. He had only been a detective for four months when the Ring Bearer case was brought to him. Everyone thought it was going to be a cinch catching him, but it turned out he was a lot craftier than anyone figured him to be. When he went into hiding after a year on the loose, Will's life basically crumbled. Everyone had lost faith in him as a detective, and most of the force thought he had been hastily promoted. His one chance to prove to himself that he was worthy of being the son of the police hero, Daniel Maddox, had vanished. Everyone thought he received special treatment from the Chief before, but when he was kept on as a detective after failing on a case that everyone thought a monkey could do, it was clear to most that Will was getting an exception because of who his father was. Will felt he did not deserve special treatment and had elected to be demoted, but the Chief would not let him. Ever since then, Will had been determined to find the Ring Bearer and to put his name right not only to himself, but now to the entire police force that worked with his father and looked upon his memory as an impossible legacy to live up to.
Will thought about this every time he was going to visit his mother. He felt as if he had let her down too by not listening to her pleas of not wanting to lose her son along with her husband, and not accomplishing anything by hurting her and going against her wishes. If he was a successful detective, he would feel vindicated for causing her such pain. He knew she would never say it, but he could not help but notice a slight look of disappointment in her eyes every time she looked at him.
When he finally arrived at his mother's and Ray's house, he was taken aback by the grandeur of it. Even though he had driven up to the 5 bedroom, grey brick house dozens of times, it was still a sight. The driveway arched around a massive stone fountain and curved around to the front entrance. The shrubbery and landscaping was envious and could only be kept up with by a gardener.
Will slowly came to a stop and parked his car just past the front entrance. His old Buick normally looked like a decent car, but in comparison to the house, looked completely out of place. He looked in the rear view mirror and gazed at his light green eyes. They continued to reflect the guilt and disappointment in himself that he had been focusing on during the drive. His light brown hair already showed signs of graying which seemed abnormal to him. Most thirty year old men were just settling comfortably into their lives with good stable jobs, wives, and children while he was still searching for something more.
He sighed as he heard the pop of the car door. It was only going to be a few hours tonight, yet he still worried about the conversations that lay ahead in that time. He knew he had to keep his cool with Ray and try to be understanding with his mother. As he took one last look at his car while walking towards the door, he could not help but feel as out of place as the car looked.
Before Will even had a chance to knock on the door, it swung open to reveal the smiling face of his mother. Her smile was exuberant and caused her to look years younger than her actual age of fifty-four. The laugh lines on her face extended down from her eyes to her high cheekbones. She had always been an attractive woman, but it seemed as though nature intended her to stay that way, even through the stress and turmoil that had caused her to prematurely age. Her short hair was dyed a vibrant blonde, which made her customary bright red lipstick all the more noticeable. She extended her thin arms and wrapped her son in a hug.
"Oh William, I'm so glad you came. I feel like I haven't seen you in ages. I swear I'm becoming obsessive about watching out for you on the news."
"You worry too much, Mom. I'm a paper pusher most of the time. The worst I have to worry about is a paper cut or a rogue stapler."
"Well you never know. It's my job to worry anyway. That's what parents do Dear. If you were a father, you'd understand that." she said as she patted him on the cheek. He could see it flicker there. From that one comment, it was like looking for a moment into his own disappointed green eyes in the rear view mirror, instead of the same green colored eyes of his mother.
He let the comment slide as he always tried to do when in this situation. She gently grabbed his arm and they walked from the entrance into the parlor where Ray was sitting. It was decorated in greens and pinks, with a slight Victorian air to it. The claw foot couch Ray was on and the matching armchairs had the wear of many years shown in the velvet fabric, yet they had sophistication. The carpet offset the pink of the fabric with a gentle hue of sage. Above the grey stone fireplace hung a gold-gilded, framed mirror that almost touched the ceiling. Dark woods were ingrained everywhere throughout the room and house which made them more apparent against the pale color scheme.
Ray lowered the newspaper he had been reading when they entered the room. His full head of white hair could be seen from miles around, and the contrast between this hair and the abnormally dark tan he was sporting was almost blinding. It seemed as though he had dyed his teeth to match his hair, and the obnoxious way he smiled had been learned from years of practice on unwilling clients. His laugh lines were ingrained deep in his face giving away to his sixty years of life. He had been reading the sports section, which was not a surprise to Will since he knew that his stepfather knew nothing outside of the world of golf accessories that he sold.
"Hey Kiddo. When'd you sneak in" he said with a wink.
"Hi Ray." he said offhandedly. "So, when are we going to eat, I'm starving."
"Oh, everything is all set up in the dining room Honey. If you boys want to just go on in and sit down, I'll bring everything out for you." Pam answered.
"Are you sure? I can help if you need any." Will offered.
"Oh no, you know I like to do things myself. But thank you anyway Dear."
Will gave a defeated look and started walking toward the dining room. Any chance he could get to be away from Ray, he tried to take, but it looked like he was stuck for the moment.
"So, what's new with you Son?" Ray asked as they entered the similarly decorated dining room.
"Oh, nothing really."
"Oh, well that's too bad. Of course you know I've been busy as always. They're opening a new country club just outside of town and they just agreed to have us be their primary stocker of everything golf. I say, at least the way things are now a days with the economy, I sure am thankful that people still love to play golf. Or that is, I'm thankful that husbands still need an excuse to get away from the ol' ball and chain every now and then." he winked.
Will gave a half-hearted smile which turned into a real smile of relief as his mother walked into the room with a tray full of scrumptious looking food. She set a platter of sliced pork tenderloin, a bowl of haricot-verts with sliced almonds and mushrooms, au gratin potatoes, and freshly sliced French bread on the table. Will may have hated coming to dinner, but he sure did not mind eating it.
They sat in silence as they ate, the only thing breaking it being the occasional clattering of silverware against plates. There was a slight awkwardness in it that each seemed to try and ignore. Will personally liked the silence because it was better than having to listen to his mother nit picking or his stepfather bragging. Seeming to realize that he was content, Pam decided to try and start some conversation.
"So William honey, are things going alright at work?" she asked as she cleared her throat.
"Sure, yeah, they're alright."
"I heard on the news this morning that that madman killer you tried to catch before is out on the loose again." added Ray.
"Oh… yeah. It looks like the same guy, but it could just be a copycat. We're not sure yet. I can't really talk about the case though."
"Dear, we know. We're just concerned about you is all. So how is your partner? What's her name, Catherine?" Pam asked.
"It's Christine mom, which I've told you a million times, and yeah, I guess she's doing okay. We don't really talk much." answered Will.
"Oh, it's more of a physical relationship. That-a-boy!" winked Ray as he elbowed Will in the arm.
"No, no, no. We are just colleagues. I've also said that a million times too. Nothing is happening between Chris and me, so just drop it, okay?" Will answered, irritated.
"Nothing is happening between you and anyone else either. Sweetie, you need to find a nice girl and settle down. It would only do you good. Then you could move out of that horrible apartment and have a nice home and family to come home to every night. I think it would help a lot on your stress load." Pam sighed.
"What would help my stress load is if you quit badgering me about everything wrong in my life every time I talk to you." Will's voice began to rise in volume with every word he said.
"Well she's right you know. Son, you need to settle down. You're not looking healthy and it has to be because you're working too hard. A woman can help slow you down, even if it is just a roll in the hay every once in awhile." added Ray. Pam gave him an irritated look at this comment.
"Well not for that! I mean to have a life together. Have children. I'm not getting any younger. It'd be nice to know my grandchildren before I die." she said.
"Mom, you're not that old. Plus, times are changing. Not everyone gets married right out of high school and has five kids by the time they're 20." Will said defensively.
"Oh thank you Dear for telling me that I'm old fashioned just because I have values. I don't know where you learned some of these ideas from but it sure was not from me or your father."
"That's not what I was saying at all. I don't even know where you're coming up with this. I'm fine with my life the way it is. Why do you always have to do this?"
"I don’t like you talking to your mother like that. She is just concerned about you and your future." Ray commented.
"You have no place to tell me how to speak to my mother." Will started as he stood up from his seat. "Quit acting like you are my father. You could never come close to being anything like him."
"William, don't you talk to Ray like that. He has done everything possible to try and work his way into your life. I think it's good that he's not like your father. Lord knows all he ever did was work himself to death, literally, and if you don't stop soon you'll end up the same as him." chimed in Pam.
"How dare you say that about Dad! He was doing something great and honorable and forgive me for trying to do the same!" yelled Will. He had come to his limit. Normally this kind of talk didn’t start until dessert. "I knew I never should have come here. I knew that this is what would happen. I love you mom, but I have to go."
Will moved away from his chair, walked out of the beautifully furnished dining room, almost knocking into the dark cherry wood china cabinet, and walked out the door to his out of place car without another word. It took a few turns of the ignition to get his car started, but once the engine purred to life, he hit the gas and sped down the long curved driveway. The farther he got towards the road, the more his sanity seemed to come back to him. When he finally turned out of the driveway and onto the highway he could not help but be reminded of the hundreds of times he had done this before. It seemed that these evenings always ended the same way; his mother and stepfather harassing him about the flaws in his life, he getting too angry to take it anymore and leaving in a mad fury. He already dwelled on the problems in his life enough without having everyone else tell him about them too.
He continued brooding about the evening all the way to his apartment building which was only four miles from the station. He had picked a place that close just in case he ever got called in unexpectedly which happened quite often. He pulled into his parking space and shut off the ignition. Those same judgmental green eyes met him as he glanced in the rearview mirror. From the stress of the evening it seemed as though he had aged ten years since the last time he looked at himself. He grabbed his briefcase and suit coat and headed towards the door of the white stone building. An orange light was aglow above the entrance door which was very visible against the darkening sky. The clouds looked as ominous as Will felt and he knew that it would probably storm during the night.
When he finally got to the whitewashed apartment door of 12C, it seemed as though he could feel the stress melting away. The lock made a soft click as he turned the key to unlock the door. He walked inside to a shabby looking one bedroom apartment. There were case files and newspapers stacked everywhere around a couch and chair that were the same color brown as the carpeting. The shades retained a slight glow from the twilight outside. He sighed as he slipped off his shoes and placed his keys on a nail right beside the door. As he walked toward the kitchen he set his briefcase on the small island that separated the living room from the kitchen. His hand slowly unfastened his restricting neck tie which now hung loosely around his collar. The light above the sink was still on from the night before. It gave out a sickly yellow florescent glow that extended somewhat into the living room.
Deciding that tonight really seemed like a night for a beer, Will opened the refrigerator door and got one, but realized that beer was basically the only thing in the fridge besides condiments. Having left in the middle of dinner from his mothers and not really having a chance to eat anything substantial, Will suddenly realized how hungry he was. Owing to the fact that his fridge was almost completely empty, his go to meal option was always Chinese take-out. He turned around to the wall phone that hung above the island and noticed the red light blinking. He pushed the button to listen to the message.
"Hey partner in non-crime, it's Chris. You seemed pretty down about going to your folks tonight and I just wanted to let you know that if you have a horrible time, which most likely you will, just give me a call and I'll tell you how much they suck. Oh, and don't drink too many beers, the Chief wants us 'in top shape' for the meeting tomorrow about you know who. Alright, I'll catch ya later. Bye."
At the sound of her voice, his heart gave a start. He had not expected at all for it to be Chris. Most of the time it was his mother calling to nag about something or to apologize for the evening and wish that he would come back soon.
Should I call her? I mean, she said to call her, but I don’t think she really meant it. With that line about the Chief, she was probably just calling because he made her, not because she was concerned about me. It would be foolish to call her now. She hears me complain enough at work, I don't need to do it more outside of it. If she asks about it tomorrow, I'll just say it was late when I got home and didn't want to wake her. Yeah. I can't call her.
The message had rattled him a bit, but he quickly shut it out of his mind and pressed two on his speed dial for his favorite Chinese place. All he had to do was give them his address and they knew his order, and when the delivery person got there, they knew him by name. He had finished his first beer while waiting for his food, so he grabbed another one, brought his take-out into the living room, and ate from the coffee table. He was not paying attention to the channel that he had turned the TV onto, but suddenly realized that the news was playing. When they started talking about the Ring Bearer case, he immediately shut the TV off and finished his meal in silence. He stuck what leftovers he had in the fridge and decided that he better get to bed. He had a long day tomorrow and he could afford to get as much sleep as possible.
His bedroom came to life as he flipped on the light switch. The same brown carpeting extended into this room and seemed depressive against the bare off-white walls. His bed lay in shambles from his previous sleepless night, the dark blue covers hanging half way off the bed, the pillows strewn different places on the floor. He stripped down to his underwear, throwing his clothes on the floor wherever they fell. His bathroom was connected to this room, and his feet were hit with a sudden chill as they stepped onto the linoleum. The light gave off the same sickly yellow glow as the kitchen light which only made the off-white walls and floor seem dirtier.
As he looked at himself in the mirror, he noticed the wear in his face from his lifestyle. The alcohol mixed with his lack of sleep made the whites of his eyes look red and bloodshot. There were wrinkles in his forehead worn through by brooding and puzzled faces that were often caused by his work. The grey specks in his hair were more evident than ever, though his hairline showed no signs of receding. In another life, he would have been a very handsome man; his bone structure gave way to a squared jaw which was covered by a few days growth and nicely defined cheekbones which he recognized as his mother's gift. His mildly broad nose and full lips came from his father, which seemed to be the only visual reminders that were left of him aside from faded pictures. But the stress and daily turmoil of his life had turned him sallow and his skin looked ashen from lack of sleep and proper nutrition. His body was thin and muscular, but looked almost sick from his paled skin. He only now recognized this look as the look his father wore every day after coming home from work. Had he realized then how this lifestyle took a toll on a person, he would have never joined the force. He knew though that this was the sacrifice he had to make to prove to himself he was worthy enough to be his father's son.
He sighed as he walked away from the mirror and to his disheveled bed. He slowly bent down and picked up the pillows from the floor, feeling his body ache with each movement. As he curled up under the covers, he tried not to think about every negative thing he had ever heard about himself or said to himself throughout each day. He heard the thunder start as the rain began to pour outside. It seemed as though nature were reflecting his feelings. These negative feelings are what caused him to restlessly toss and turn through the nights, and it looked as though this night would be no exception.

~2~

I could still smell the blood on my hands as I drove home. It had dried creating a crust on my fingers that seemed to remind me of the pleasure of the killing. The traffic lights and street lamps were all that were illuminating the street. I pulled up to my house. When I got down to my dungeon, I placed the ornately carved wooden box next to the others. There were four now. As I looked at each box, I could remember the nights. They had no idea that when they first met me I would be the one to put an end to their so-called precious lives. They all seemed happy when I was helping to put together the last of their life's possessions, their idiot husbands waiting on the sidelines as the bitches dictated every move. I could see the longing in their eyes. Pleading me to end their married misery. I had that look in my eyes once too. You can never trust a stupid slut. All they do is ruin you.
I made my way upstairs to find that everything was exactly as I'd left it. Each thing had a place and it was in it. I looked around at the kitchen thinking about my hunger. It was not the usual hunger of necessity; it was the hunger of want. I always felt this way after a killing, somehow dissatisfied at my deed. The killing was not enough. It was never enough. The fucking whore always controlled me, even when It wasn't there.
I looked in the cabinets and fridge anyway. There was enough food there to feed a whole family for a month, yet nothing was appetizing to me. I decided on a glass of vodka instead. It always hated vodka so that's why I drank it.

It always hated a lot of things, including me.

The vodka went down with a burning in my throat that echoed the burning in my soul. I needed to find another. The last one wasn't a good enough fit. Its hair had not been the right color blonde and Its eyes were green, not blue. The one before the last had been almost perfect. It had quenched me for a while. The memory of that one was as tragic as any, which is why I loved it so. Yes, the next one had to be more like her. Thinner and paler than the last.
I would look tomorrow. For now, I needed rest. I always slept well after a killing and tonight I felt would be no different. I wished it was storming. The sound of the power of nature fed into my own. It charged me and electrified me into feeling at peace. But tonight was clear with the moon still shining as bright as it had on the blade of my knife.
I remembered my instrument then in my pocket. I reached for it and soothed it like a baby. It had done its job well tonight and I thanked it so. The blood had dried on it also. We must clean ourselves and so we did. It was cleaned in the kitchen sink. I cleaned in the shower.
The powerful hot water made me feel more peaceful since it mimicked the rain. I simply stood and let the water wash over my body. It washed the blood off and I was fascinated as always by the paled pink color of the water as it collected by the drain before it disappeared.
Yes, I would have to say that tonight had been good work. Not great, but good enough for a while until I could pick the next one. I would not pick out a box for it yet. I would have to see It first before I made that decision.
My bed lay neatly made and I slid under the covers, recognizing the temperature difference from my warmed body to the cool sheets. It made me think of how not long ago the one tonight had been warm, but now laid cold and waiting. Waiting for the grateful husband to return. He would find his oppressor and would thank me for my service. That pained look in his eyes would vanish and he would be freed from the bitch like I wish I was from mine. He would praise the heavens and rejoice in the freedom which he now owed to me. His debt would never be paid back to me, but it was a service I gladly gave free of charge.
I longingly wished that someone would have freed me from my hell and despair before the whore left me with nothing but my own self-misery to wallow in. It had been a clever present. One that It knew I could never return.
Sleep slowly seemed to be creeping up on me then. I welcomed it willingly. I needed to build up my strength for the next search and the next plan. That nightly death swallowed me and took me over like I did to the other only hours before. I hoped it was storming tomorrow.


~3~

"So how'd it go?" asked Chris as she walked up to Will's desk. He looked up at her and saw that her golden hair was done up in a stylish bun, which gave her the appearance of an uptight librarian. The sunlight shone in through the massive plate glass window in the back of the room making her normally soft blue eyes turn a slight teal. Her black suit was feminine yet demanding, making the male officers respect her in a way that sometimes made them frightened of her. She had an unsympathetic presence, yet this façade softened during the worst of things. Sometimes she just could not help being a woman, but that was never a good thing when she was on the job. Will liked this quality in her. It was refreshing to know that she had a softer side that somehow remained untouched through all of the stress and horrors of being a detective.
"It was… well… horrendous." he said with a sigh.
"Oh really? I'm sorry. I knew that you weren't looking forward to it at all. Did you get my message?"
"Oh, yeah. I listened to it, but it was really late. I didn't think you'd want me interrupting your 'beauty sleep' or anything." he chuckled.
"Yeah, cause you know I need all of that I can get!"
"I think maybe you need to go back and take a nap. You didn't suck enough ugly out last night."
"Oh ha ha. You are so hilarious. I don't think you know the definition of a hair comb by the way. Did you just roll out of bed and come here, or is that some new style I'm not hip to?" she retorted.
"It's a style no one is hip to. It's my style, baby, and the world just isn't ready to accept it yet. But just you wait, they'll come around." he laughed.
"They'll come around when pigs can fly, and I don't mean us."
"Yeah, yeah. So when is this oh-so-important meeting with the Chief today?" Will asked.
"Well, I imagine whenever he gets here. He was having some difficulties with traffic this morning, which of course is never an acceptable excuse with us. But what can you do, he's top dog." Chris answered.
"Uh, yeah, speak of the devil." he said as he slyly pointed at the entrance to the office door, hinting for Chris to stop her comments about the Chief.
He was a domineering man of fifty-five whose hair had gone completely grey by the time he was forty. His stature was massive, yet he did not need to be 6'5 for anyone to cower as he walked past. He ruled with an iron fist and all the years of murder, rape, kidnapping, and narcotics cases that he'd dealt with had beaten out every last drop of sympathy or remorse in his body. His eyes were a deep chocolate and his skin had a soft brown hue to it making his Italian heritage visible. Many people around the office joked about him secretly being a Mob boss because he had the same type of presence as Vito Corleone. He always had a cup of coffee in his hand which gave him an odor of coffee breath constantly. As he walked through the office to the conference room, he only said one word with his deep gruff voice which made everyone follow.
"Meeting."
They all sat down in the conference room which was spacious enough for about a hundred officers, which left plenty of room for everyone since only Homicide was dealing with the case. All in all there were five of them from the department working on it including Will and Chris. Two others had been there before, Ken Harris whose previous experience in Narcotics would give him an investigative edge, and Arnie Stanowitz who had seen just about everything an officer could see in his forty years on the force. The last of the five was Bobby Carnegie who had just been transferred over to Homicide three months previous. He was the fresh blood on the case; the one that everyone was hoping would give them a new perspective on everything.
"So, what do we remember from this case?" asked the Chief.
"From his profile we figured he's in his late twenties to early thirties, Caucasian, lives alone, and likes to take trophies, that being the ring finger of each victim. We figured before he kills, he stalks his victims, who are all married. He waits until the husbands are gone and then somehow gets into the house without forced entry. He never leaves any forensic evidence except for his hand prints around the victims' necks which we never found a match to. He also leaves incise wounds on their throats after strangulation." explained Will.
"But if he strangles them, then is it necessary for him to slit their throats or is that part of his M.O.?" asked Bobby.
"The strangulation is always termed as the cause of death, and the cuts happen after the victims are dead which can be told by the lack of coagulation and healing of the wound. This suggests that he does it for some other reason besides killing. Maybe to make sure they are absolutely dead, maybe its overkill, or maybe it's some other reason. We were never sure on that." added Ken.
"We do know that he is seeking power and dominance over these women that he kills, yet he must not be that strong if he waits until their husbands are gone. He may not be able to handle an altercation with them, or he is purely interested in the woman and does not want to be disturbed or have to deal with another person. This guy is different in a lot of ways from most serial killers. He doesn't seem to have a sexual motive behind it, and he is very calculating and precise. He watches and keeps track of everything he does in the houses and cleans up after himself so no evidence of his presence is found except for the victim." concluded Arnie.
"Right, what else?" asked the Chief.
"Well, I remember that we thought that the women might somehow be connected since he gets in without forced entry, like they all knew him previously, but we couldn't find a link. They had all recently moved into their neighborhoods, so we thought maybe it was a neighbor, but they live too far away from each other to have a consistent neighbor." said Chris.
"Well, what about movers?" asked Bobby.
"The husbands all said they never used a moving service, and just had friends and neighbors help them move. We asked for their names, but a lot of times, the neighbors that helped them move had been random people that just showed up that they didn't know the identities of them besides first names and physical descriptions, or had solid alibis. We went door to door asking around each neighborhood looking for matches of the descriptions or people volunteering information about helping them move, but that turned out to be a dead end pretty quickly." continued Chris.
"If I remember right, we thought that he may have met them during the day while they were moving, so did he also kill them during the day?" questioned Ken.
"No one seems to notice anyone strange or unusual visiting the crime scenes, so we are figuring he goes at night when most people are asleep. They hear no screams because he strangles them, so no one would have the need to wake up from disturbances, and a random car and visitor that someone lets into their house willingly shows no cause for concern. This guy is slick." said Will.
"Well what about a common area? A lot of times killers will pick spots that feel familiar to them and are close to home so it's easier for them to get to and from the crime scenes." Arnie interjected.
"He leaves no trace behind and the geography of these places is so spread out that there is no way of pin-pointing a possible place where he might live. He branches out from his comfort zone, but feels comfortable in these neighborhoods since he cases them and stalks the victims and the neighborhood." added Chris.
"Okay, well what do we know about this new case?" questioned the Chief.
"Well this new case," Bobby piped up, "seems to be practically the same to what you guys have said and what I've read in the case reports from the other three. There was no forced entry, no evidence left behind, strangulation and a slit throat post mortem, missing left ring finger, husband gone, no witnesses, no connection to the other three except that they just moved here. That last seems to be the only connection which I think is where we should concentrate the most. He may just be some stranger that cases neighborhoods, looking for people who are recently moving in, finds a woman that looks like his type, blonde hair, thin, pale eyes, and simply drives up and offers to help. He may wear different disguises so no one sees his real face. Then later on, after getting to know the rhythm of the neighborhood and the household, walks up to the door and uses some ploy to get in the home. Since they recognize him and think he's a nice guy for helping them move, the woman more than likely let him in only for a second, but that's all he needs to take them over and control them. If that's the case, it's going to be damn hard finding him. He has no prior connection to them, they never know his full name, or probably his real one for that matter, and there is no connection to where he lives to where he kills."
"Well you just made us all feel a whole lot better about this." said Ken sarcastically. "Though I'd never thought about it just being some random guy from off the street."
"Now a days, people are hungry for that kind of old fashioned kindness and this bastard is taking advantage of it. I don't like it one bit. Disrespectful, ungrateful, little bastard." growled Arnie.
"Well what do you expect, everything to be all sunshine and daisies?" retorted Will. "This guy is murdering innocent women in the place that they feel should be their 'safe haven'. It's despicable what he's doing. We need to catch him now more than ever, not stand around and disagree with his morals. Good Lord, what kind of morals do you think a serial killer should have Arnie?"
"Listen Boy-O, I've seen more horrors that people have done to each other than you can imagine, but most of the time, it was just about the killin' for them. This guy is doin' so many other things on top of that which can only come from bein' raised in a generation of kids who can't even talk to their mothers properly."
"That's enough guys." chimed in the Chief.
"So are you saying that everyone should be a serial killer just because they've lost the ideals of what you think is respect?" he yelled. Then he turned to the Chief. "This guy is a joke. Everyone knows he should've retired years ago. Why is he even here?" asked Will impatiently.
"Because he has forty God damn years of experience in this field. Just because he's a little old fashioned doesn't mean he doesn't have anything to contribute to this case. You should take a page or two from his book and maybe you could actually solve a case for once." boomed the Chief.
At this the room was quiet. There was a dead silence and Will lowered his head as if he were a five year old being reprimanded for putting his hand in the cookie jar.
"I think Carnegie's right. Everyone work on finding a link to them moving. I don't care what you find, but you better find something. You will report back to me by 17:00. Go."
Everyone instantly jumped to their feet and left the conference room. The Chief left and immediately went to his office and slammed the door. Ken caught Will and squeezed him on the shoulder.
"Hey, don't worry about him, okay. You know he's just hard on you because he knows you can do better."
Will gave him a downtrodden look as he walked away. He slumped down at his desk with a sigh. Of course it had been only he who had been talked down to by the Chief. He had a special place for Arnie who he seemed to respect as much as a war veteran. Bobby was the son of one of the Chief's golf buddies and had known Bobby since he was born, so of course anything he said the Chief seemed to eat right up. Chris was never even noticed half the time with the Chief. He seemed to be offended by what he thought was a woman trying to do a man's job, but he could never show his shovanistic ways in front of anyone for fear of being looked down upon by the department heads. Because of this, most of the time he just ignored her. Ken had been through so much being in narcotics and seeing his colleges fall to the use of drugs when they were undercover, or seeing so many of them killed in action from being found out as spy's that the Chief never said anything to him in a negative way. Will felt this was more out of fear of a mental breakdown by Ken than concern for his well-being.
When five o'clock finally rolled around, no one was any closer to finding a link between the four victims than they had been five years ago. The Chief realized it was a bit rash for him to demand they solve the case that afternoon so he surprisingly let them all go home for the night.
As they were walking out to the parking lot, Chris rushed over to Will and stopped him before he got in his car.
"Hey, my car's got a flat tire. I don't have a spare; I couldn't afford to get one when I got my new tires last. Do you think you could take me home?" she asked with pleading eyes.
"Oh… uh… sure. Hop in."
"Thanks so much. I mean, I could probably ask to take a squad car home, but my neighbors are weary enough, I don't need to give them more anxiety." she smiled.
Will's heart jumped as he looked at her. The way her thin lips curved around her brilliant straight white teeth almost took his breath away. He had to admit that he had always been attracted to Chris since the first moment he met her. Even though she was thirty-two, she somehow had kept a youthful glow about her. She could be serious and strict when she needed to be, but he felt that if he ever really got to know her outside of work, he would undoubtedly fall in love with her.
There had been a few occasions where he had seen this side of her, but it was only when they were alone. One night they had been on a stakeout and she had let down her wall and opened up to him about how she felt about being the only woman detective in the department and how she had been inspired to become a detective from the Nancy Drew stories she had read when she was a teen. He had opened up to her about his wishes to be respected as an officer like his father, and to feel someday as though he was worthy to be the son of a policeman. They had bonded that night and ever since it felt as though Chris had come to care for him like an overprotective sister. Will was glad that she cared, but wished it was in a different way.
She got into the car and Will followed. He started the engine and drove out of the parking lot, wondering what the other guys thought of his passenger.
"So that was a really rough day, huh?" Chris commented.
"Yeah, it definitely wasn't a peach."
"I know we're gonna find him Will. It'll just take time." she said as she placed her hand comfortingly on his arm at which his heart skipped a beat. The coolness of her hand made him realize he was starting to sweat.
"I hope you're right about that. I really do. I can't afford to let him get away again."
"Well this is your second chance and I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure it doesn't go to waste. I hate seeing you so worried like this. It can't be good for a person to be stressed out so much." she said worriedly.
"Yeah, well it comes with the territory. That’s just part of the job." he added.
"I know, I know. Hey, maybe you should start doing yoga. I hear it's really relaxing…" she chuckled.
"Right, can you imagine me doing yoga?" he laughed.
"In one of those skin tight leotards? I don't think I'd be able to hold my stomach in!" she giggled. "And you'd be stretching on one of those rubber mats in a class full of women wondering what on earth you're doing there. You'd probably make them self conscious with your killer moves."
"Please, I'm more discreet than that. I'd get some DVD's and do it in the privacy of my own home." he said, acting offended. They both laughed.
"I think laughing like this is all the stress relief I need. I can always count on you to make me bust a gut." he smiled.
"That's what I'm here for. Oh, and to cover your sorry ass when we're out in the field and you don't know what the hell you're doing." she joked.
"Hey, it was only that one time. And besides, aren't I supposed to do the same for you?"
"Oh no. Haven't you heard? I'm a strong, independent woman. I don't need help from a man… ever!" she chortled.
"Don't let the Chief hear you talking that feminist mumbo jumbo, he'd probably rocket straight through the roof."
"Oh I know. I hate that he's like that. It's like, just get over yourself. It's the 21st century and women are allowed to do other things besides cook, clean, and have babies." she agreed, rolling her eyes.
He smiled as he looked at her sitting there. She was staring out the window now, undoubtedly continuing the conversation in her head. Her slender fingers tapped on the armrest, beating to a rhythm that was all her own. She sighed and the noise gave him a sense of what she might sound like during moments of pleasure.
Stop it. I need to stop thinking about her like that. It's so inappropriate, especially when she's sitting right next to me.
He had not been paying much attention to where he was going, but somehow he managed to end up at Chris' home. It was a small, two bedroom ranch with pale yellow siding and a paved driveway. The only foliage around the home was the trees that had been there for years which were growing throughout the small yard. It was a good starter home, and it seemed she was just waiting to find someone to share it with.
"Home sweet home." she sighed. She went to open the car door but hesitated for a moment. "Would you like to come in for a bit?" she asked Will.
"Um…"
"I've got some leftovers that desperately need to be eaten and some beer that's calling to be drunk." she added hopefully.
"Oh, alright. I guess if you're in need of assistance; I can't deny a lady in distress." he agreed.
"Oh thank you kind sir." she said and curtsied as they walked away from the car and towards the house.
Will's heart was pounding as she opened the door and let him in. He was welcomed by a comfortable and surprisingly feminine looking room. The walls were a soft crème and the carpet was a pale grey. The couch and chairs in the living room were a deep blue and the whole house seemed to follow a nautical theme. Through the connecting kitchen he could see a glass sliding door that looked out onto the ocean. There was a fireplace in the corner which housed a sailboat in a glass bottle. There were many of these scattered throughout the room and the house. She saw him gazing at one.
"Oh, that's kind of a hobby of mine. My dad and I used to do them together when I was little. He was a fisherman and he loved boats. I used to love going out with him sometimes and just feeling the salty air sting my cheeks. When I make them, it's like I'm back there again with him, reliving all the times we went out on the water and all the times we would spend rainy days inside making these. It's my way of relieving stress, though it's no yoga." she smiled.
He softly smiled back. It was the first time he had ever heard her talk about either one of her parents. His seemed to occupy most of his sentences, yet hers were surprisingly vacant from them which he had never realized before.
"Well, if you don't mind, I'm going to go change really quick." she added.
"Oh no, go right ahead."
"Well, make yourself comfortable. The remote for the TV is on the coffee table there if you want to watch something." she pointed out.
"Thanks." he said before she walked out of the room and into what he could only assume was her bedroom.
He sat down on the cushy sofa and started flipping through channels, not really paying attention to what was on any of them. He finally stopped on a basketball game of a team he never really watched. All he could think about was the fact that he was in Chris' house. He didn't exactly understand why she had invited him in or whether he should try to make a move or not. He figured he would judge this by what she changed into.
When she finally came out of her bedroom, her hair was down and Will was able to realize how long it was. The golden strands covered all of her shoulders and ran down to the middle of her back. She was wearing a fitted white t-shirt and jeans that accentuated her thin body. This outfit did not help Will at all. The clothes were tight, but not revealing; he thought she looked sexy, but he always thought that. It was just a t-shirt and jeans which is what she would wear around friends, so Will figured she was just being her usual worried, overprotective, sister self. She walked over to the couch and sat down beside him; her hair softly waved past him, giving off the scent of coconut.
"So I was thinking. Leftovers sound boring and horrible. What if we just order a pizza?" she asked.
"Sure, that's fine. Whatever you want to do." he agreed.
"Okay, what do you want on it?"
"I like anything really, so you can pick."
"Okay then. Anchovies it is!" she laughed.
"Alright, anything but that." he said.
"Yeah, I was just kidding. How about we just go with classic pepperoni?"
"Sounds good to me."
She grabbed the phone off an end table next to the couch and proceeded to order the pizza. Her voice became demanding and businesslike while talking to the person over the phone. Even while ordering pizza she did not take any bull from anyone.
As they sat waiting for the pizza, they watched the game contently, commenting here or there on the performance of specific players. She seemed to know a lot more about basketball than he did, so he mostly just nodded and said words of agreement. When the pizza finally came they decided on glasses of iced tea instead of beer, figuring that Will had to drive home, and Chris not wanting to be the only one drinking.
They sat in the living room still, with the pizza box opened on the coffee table and using napkins as their plates. They talked about nonsense things as they always did, and when they finished their pizza, the game ended just in time. It had turned to twilight outside and Will looked at his watch, surprised to see it was eight thirty.
"Wow, I should probably get going. I didn't realize I was cutting into your bedtime." he joked.
"Yeah, you know I need to get some more of that beauty sleep we were talking about earlier. I think some would do you good too." she laughed.
They got up and went to the door. Chris opened it slowly and stood at it, waiting for Will to pass. When he was standing on the step just outside of the door frame, Chris inched closer to him. He could still smell the coconut from her hair, the sound of the Atlantic in the background.
"Thanks for this." he said calmly.
"It's the least I could do for you taking me home, plus having such a rough day, I think we both needed to unwind a little." she said.
Then she did something Will did not expect and wrapped her arms around his middle in a hug. For a moment he just stood there with his arms by his side wondering about the action. He quickly recovered and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. They stood there for what seemed like an eternity to Will who was savoring every moment. He could feel her back expand with each breath she took, her body still felt cooler than his own. They left their embrace, but she did not move far back. She swept a stray piece of hair away from his face and sighed.
"You're a good guy, you know that?"
"Oh am I?" he sighed.
"Yes. You are. Please don't ever forget that, okay?" she pleaded.
"Okay, I won't." he promised.
She smiled and they said their goodbyes. When she finally closed the door, Will stood there for a moment feeling confused. He eventually walked towards his car not knowing at all what had just happened. Had he been on a date or had she just been acting as a comforting friend? He thought that maybe his feelings for her were reaching for it to be more and decided to take it as the lesser of his hopes. One thing he was positive of was that he felt more at peace with himself than he had in years.

~4~

I had waited a day to organize my thoughts. I knew there was a storm coming. When it did it re-energized me to my full power. I needed to be at my top strength for the hunting. It always took me awhile to find the right one. This time It had to be perfect and I would not settle for less.
I had walked to this spot from my car a half mile away. The parking lot was behind an old shoe store that had gone out of business years before. Woods kept the area well hidden. It made a perfect hiding place for my transport.
Just behind these woods were the houses. Unsuspecting. They had no idea such power was lurking in their midst.
There it was. A sign. It was like a beacon calling me to it. I knew at any moment there would be a husband and the potential one coming to start what they thought would be a long, happy life together. If It was right, then they were wrong.
I only had to wait until dusk. The air seemed lighter at this time. Not as heavy as the sun that had been beating on me before. This is when my power was at its fullest; when the moon shone bright against my watch face making it impossible to see the time. Even the smell of the air was intoxicating at this time of night.
But then I smelled an acrid stench mix into it. I knew it must be exhaust. This was the moment. They were coming to fill the house with the last of their treasures. If It was right, I would approach. If It was wrong, I would go back to that hidden place just outside the woods.
I could see the husband in the passenger seat. The bitch was already controlling him. Even from here I could tell his oppression. A shadow from the other side. It looked slim like the bitch was. It moved like the whore did. The driver came around and I saw the dark flowing hair from Its head. This was not the one. I would return and search again tomorrow.
I could feel another storm coming on which is exactly what I needed. Of course this was not a let down. It was never the first one. I did not like this neighborhood either. There was something in it that signaled me to stray far away from it. Nature was signaling me. I would listen to my mother and return to my domain, not defeated, but closer to my goal than before. Yes, the hunting would ensue, but only after the storm.

~5~

What the hell was that?
This was the only reaction that Will could come to after his evening with Chris. He was so confused not only by the invitation, but the whole evening and especially the goodnight hug. He had been pondering about it the whole drive home, and at one point almost ran a red light because he had been so deep in thought.
When he walked in the door to his apartment, he had been hoping that Chris would have called with a message indicating what sort of night it had been. He walked over to the answering machine with no luck. The light was especially yellow tonight in his kitchen. He was just about to go and turn the TV on for lack of anything better to do when the phone rang. His heart lifted slightly as he picked up the receiver.
"Hello?"
"Hey Maddox, it’s Ken." said the deep voice on the other end.
"Oh. Hey, what's up?" Will asked defeated.
"Well, I just wanted to call and let you know that the Chief wants us in early tomorrow. I guess to make up for sending us home early today." he chuckled slightly.
"Yeah, maybe. Well thanks for letting me know Ken."
"Yep, no problem. Hey listen, I was wondering if I could ask you something?"
"Ok, what is it?"
"Did they change the rule on inner-office relationships?"
"I don't know, why?"
"Well, I thought the Chief would be interested to know that you took Chris home tonight."
"Oh come off it. She had a flat and needed a lift. You know, we are partners. I'm really the only one she trusts not to go after her when all you other guys are shooting comments her way, pretending like you thought she was out of earshot, or disrespecting her just because she's a woman."
"Whoa, whoa. I was just kidding man. You need to relax."
"Well I didn't think it was very funny. Thanks for telling me about the early call in." Will said, hanging up the phone without another word.
He had really done it to himself this time. Not only were the guys suspicious from him taking Chris home, but now he was defending her honor. He felt he might as well be wearing a badge that declared his interest in Chris.
He could not be more annoyed at this moment, and when the phone rang again, he answered it heatedly without thinking.
"What?" he said in an edgy voice.
"Whoa, what crawled up your ass and died?" said a light higher voice on the other end.
"Oh my God, Chris, I’m sorry. I just got a call from Ken saying we have an early call in tomorrow and it kind of upset me." he defended.
"Oh, well it's a good thing I called then."
"Yeah, I guess it is, though he'll probably be calling you soon too. I hope he doesn't give you a hard time." he added.
"Why would he do that?"
"Because you're you. He happened to say something about me taking you home too. I guess that's what really bothered me."
"Well, if I'm that much trouble…" she said sarcastically.
"You are not. The guys on the other hand can be assholes."
"Well, I feel kind of bad about this then. The reason I called is because I realized that I have no way of getting back to work tomorrow. I went out and got a spare tire after you left and I need to bring it into work tomorrow. I can't really do that walking. It was hard enough getting it home. Thank God they build auto parts stores on every corner of the city."
"So you want me to bring you in?"
"If you would be so kind."
"Man, you're really putting us in it, aren't you?" he sighed.
"What do you mean by that?"
"Well, I took you home, and then I'm bringing you back…"
"Oh, let them think what they want. They're dumb asses, so I don't really care what their opinion of me is. We know that nothing like that happened, so that's all that matters."
"Alright, but you're taking the heat." he agreed.
"Thanks a bunch Will. You really are a life saver." she said.
"Yeah yeah, you're just coming up with reasons to see more of me." he joked.
"Oh I know, I can't wait to see that flabby ass again." she chuckled.
"Yeah, I'm dying to get a glimpse of those saggy boobs." he retorted.
"Hey, my boobs are not saggy. Maybe my ass too, but not my boobs."
"Jeeze, okay. I don't need to hear about your woman parts."
"Ha, my woman parts. You're starting to sound like Arnie."
"Yeah, working with him all day every day kind of wears off on you."
"I hope not too much. I can't stand him honestly. And I would rather you stay the way you are." she said.
"What, you don't want me to turn into a crazy old cop?" he asked.
"No. I don't." she said as she yawned.
"Well, you sound tired, and we have that early call tomorrow, so I'll let you go."
"Ok Will. You're right, I'm beat. I'll see you tomorrow morning."
"Yep." he answered.
"Oh, and Will?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm really glad you came over tonight. I haven't had that much fun in a long time." Chris commented.
"Oh. It was- it was no problem. Yeah, it was- fun." he stammered.
"Alright, have a good night." she answered.
"You too."
"Bye."
"Bye." he said as he slowly hung up the receiver.
What the hell was that?
He was back at the same place he'd been in before, only now he seemed even more confused. He wondered if she had actually called to say that last comment and just muddied it up with everything else, or if it had actually been an afterthought. Plus, she said it had been fun. Fun was what you had with your friends, not someone you were interested in.
They always joked around with each other, but there were some serious undertones to the conversation which Will could not ignore. As he decided to go to bed, he heard a roll of thunder. Another sleepless night accompanied by another storm, though his insomnia would be about Chris tonight instead of his normal self-pitied thoughts. They would creep in eventually he figured. He realized though that he would much rather be thinking about the encrypted evening than going through the endless rattling of his brain about himself. This thought alone made some weight lift off his shoulders.
As he flopped down on his disheveled bed and curled around the pillows scattered every which way on the mattress, he felt almost peaceful. Instead of the storm reflecting his insides of turmoil and pain, the rain reflected drowsiness and calm. For the first time in what seemed like an eternity, Will slept and dreamt of a life where he was happy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Will awoke in the morning to the screeching sound of his alarm. He groaned as he rolled over and hit the button on top to turn it off without even opening his eyes. He had enjoyed finally sleeping for a night that he wished he could just stay in bed forever. He felt warm under the covers and the pillow was inviting his head to fall back to sleep, but he knew that he had to get to work. Then he remembered about picking up Chris. The second he remembered this, his eyes shot open and it was as if this thought catapulted him out of bed and into the bathroom. Even though the morning was a bit crisp for the time of year, Will decided to take a cold shower. He needed all the help he could get to wake himself up enough to have a clear head for the long day he undoubtedly faced.
As he stepped out of the shower, he could feel the difference in surfaces under his feet as he passed from the bathmat, to the tile, and eventually to the carpet of his bedroom. He held the beige towel loosely around himself as he stared hopelessly at his closet. Khaki's, a black tie, and a white shirt; how original. To him it did not really matter what he chose because he felt he looked as shabby and as unkempt in whatever he wore.
He made his way out of his apartment and down to his usual parking space to his car. It was still relatively dark outside, and the remnants of the storm could still be felt and smelled. The air had a slightly clean feeling to it as though the rain had washed out the impurities given off by human creations. The smell of it had a certain indescribable spiced scent which seemed to add to the awakening feeling of his cold shower.
He traveled out to his favorite coffee shop that he went to every morning. Instead of his usual medium black coffee, he got two large coffees, one black for him, and one with creamer and sweetened almost to syrup with sugar for Chris. He knew that it was early enough and he was tired enough that he needed more coffee than normal today.
As he drove up to Chris' peaceful house, he noticed the sky had lightened just enough to make it a deep purple instead of black. He could see Chris' outline through the light of the curtains and saw that she was making her way to the door. She must have heard him pull up because the next moment she opened the door looking ready for work. She had her hardened exterior back in place as her hair was pinned up and her navy pantsuit gave off the air of a powerful school principal that you never wanted to be called to.
"Hey, I was hoping you wouldn't forget about me!" she smiled.
"Well, you know I was halfway to the station and then I remembered I had to do something today…" he joked.
"Yeah yeah. Hey, can you help me get this tire into your trunk? It's not the lightest thing in the world." she asked as she pointed over at a tire which was leaning against the side of the house. They went over and picked it up, one on each side of it, and managed to get it in the trunk of Will's car.
"Oof. Thanks for that." she breathed out. They got into the car and headed towards the station.
"I got you some coffee. I hope its sweet enough. I put two barrels of sugar in it." he laughed as he handed her the cup.
"You know that I need to put things in me that are as sweet as I am or else I'll reject it." she retorted.
"More like, you are so lacking in sweetness that you need to inject extra into your system so you won't shrivel up and die." he laughed. At this Chris stuck out her bottom lip and pouted.
"How could you say such rotten things to me." she said, trying not to laugh at herself.
"I don't know, I guess I'm just mean like that." he chuckled.
They continued their banter all the way to the station. When they got there, they noticed that only a few other cars sat in the lot. The Chief must really have wanted them to crack this case soon for making them come in so early.
Will helped Chris over to her car with the tire and set it inside her trunk where she said she would get it out later and change it at her lunch hour. They walked into the silent building not saying anything. There was a silence inside that you felt you needed to whisper in, even if it was not necessary to do so. Her heels made a clicking sound with every step on the tile floor which reminded Will of the not-so-friendly image of a school principal again. There were only a few other people throughout the offices as they walked through who looked busy at work on cases seemingly unsolvable like their own. Most did not look up to see the slight interruption of their concentration, but those who did just gave them polite nods as they passed.
When they got to the homicide office, they could see inside the glass paneled wall which held the opening for the door. Ken, Arnie, and Bobby were all waiting for them patiently. As they walked in together, Ken gave Will a mischievous look, while Arnie just grumbled something resembling "Good morning", and Bobby instantly started in on case talk.
"Hello guys. Good, we're all here now. Did anyone come up with anything else, a different angle perhaps? Because I have been thinking non-stop about how we could look at this differently and I think if we just-" he began.
"Can it kid. Not before the first cup of coffee, okay?" interrupted Arnie. Everyone seemed to agree with this, so Bobby just turned his back on them and left for his desk looking slightly defeated.
"Chief in yet?" asked Will.
"Nope, you know how he is. Likes to make an entrance." answered Ken.
"No surprises there." added Chris before she too walked over to her desk which was far across the room from the four of the men's desks. Ken walked over and leaned against Will's desk which he was now sitting at.
"So… I'm guessing things went well with you two last night…" he said just above a whisper so only the guys could hear what he was saying. He was eyeing Chris to make sure she was not paying attention to them.
"You know, you really must have some kind of imagination because you've been dreaming up things between Chris and me for some time now." answered Will as he looked for something to preoccupy his hands with on his desk. He found a pen and began clicking the end of it nervously.
"Well what are we supposed to think? You leave with her, come in with her the next morning… Come on Will, just admit it. So, was she good?"
"Leave. Get away from my desk. I cannot believe that you just said that. First of all, I have never even so much as kissed Chris, and second of all, if I ever did sleep with her, which is very very unlikely, you'd be the last scumbag I'd tell." he hissed in a deathly whisper.
Ken gave him a somewhat shocked look and left to his desk without another word. Will could feel his face getting hotter by the second. He had to put up with accusations from his mother and stepfather, but from his own co-workers was another thing. They knew Chris personally and knew him too, which was what made it so mind-boggling that they could think or say anything about Chris to Will in a manner less than respectable.
The Chief walked in then which cooled Will down immediately. The last thing he needed was to be suspended for assaulting a co-worker, and had the Chief not walked in, Will would have bet anything that he was getting ready to deck Ken in the face. The Chief seemed satisfied that everyone was in and at their desks, looking like they were working and concentrating hard. It was too early, even for him, to start complaining about anything before the coffee kicked in, so he continued to his office and announced his arrival by closing the door loud enough so no one could ignore him.
Will sat at his desk and tried to look through the case files lying scattered every which way across it. Pictures of strangled women who would have been dazzling when they were alive now held a cold blue tint to their skin and a glazed horror-stricken look in their lifeless eyes. He sighed as he began pouring over the names and dates that he could have recited in his sleep. As he looked at each one, the coldness of their presence seemed to envelope him and he slowly slipped back into his self-loathing pattern as he realized that he was as nameless as they were. He had been the lead on this case five years ago, and now there was a team assigned to put together the pieces he had missed. He sighed as he realized the abysmal day that lay ahead and wished that it was last night again.